Just before Christmas I buried someone who once was very close to me. Even though we had gone our separate ways and not on good terms, I still cared dearly for them. The sad thing is neither of us would reach out to the other. I hope she knew I still loved her. Needless to say this has been weighing heavy on my heart. One thing is certain, I can’t do anything about it now.
I’ve always been the type of person that once I’m done with you I’m done. The funeral and other events have me thinking over that position. In the meantime there have been some folks that have reached out to me. They have apologized. They have humbly asked my forgiveness. I’ve decided to do just that. I’ve given them another chance. I’m trying to learn and grow and strive to be a better person. I haven’t passed on this opportunity.
I’ve also decided that 2012 is going to be the year for me to do things differently. I’m getting back to basics in that I’m doing things that have always made me happy. This year will include scooter rides of course. It will also include more camping trips and more fishing trips. Fishing is something I grew up doing. I’ve spent far too many years doing far too little fishing. That changes in 2012.
I’ve spent the past 15 months dedicated to someone else. I’m not sorry for that. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat too. Someone very dear to me. Someone who will always and forevermore be dear to me no matter what. In the process I’ve lost track of me. That’s why it’s time to get back to basics. That’s why it’s time to pursue happiness.
I have to once again find that happy place on my own. The one only I know about. Until I do I won’t be able to share it with anyone. Even after I do I don’t know that I’ll share it. Only once and for one person have I ever shared everything. Frightening as it was, that’s the best times of my life. When things were right they were better than I’ve ever known.
I took a chance. I gave in to someone. Briefly I allowed myself to live. Will I ever find that again? Only time will tell.